I had my future comrade on the line this morning—i call him Bill—he was represented by my Ursula, but, at some point, they separated—she represented him as a child, and I created a voice for him, as an adult. I don’t remember now, what he said, but I answered him; i was not using his voice today, when I recited my lines. He chimed in, in his voice, after I finished reciting my lines on Thursday’s voice, and switched back to my voice. I told them they are all welcome to share something when they have something to share, if they know the codes, and the channel, since i am not littered with calls—messages, mostly: questions related to my work, ideas . . . but not verbal conversation.
But, counting today, there has been some growth in that area. I’m still having some trouble sleeping, and I’m still experiencing some nausea, which i prayed about, in my style of praying, which doesn’t necessarily involve addressing God directly, or saying that I am speaking in the name of Jesus Christ. I simply speak into the bulk. It’s kind of like writing in a journal without writing anything down except i ask, sometimes, for help. You haven’t been talking to me. She’s right. Over the past several days I hadn’t used her voice when doing my backchanneling. I was using my voice more, since that is the voice i use to communicate with my 5D self. In fact, much of what i was writing stemmed from this backchanneling, so I hadn’t needed to establish a connection with Ursula as much. But i still tried to talk to her when I wasn’t responding to my colleagues. I just wasn’t being as strict about projecting her voice, in part because I had so much to write down already. But we didn’t need to be in constant communication to know that we loved each other. We still touched base every day—and, also, I considered, there might be times when I am in a relationship with someone in 5D and we do not live together, or speak every day, which would not be out of the ordinary for me, since I am used to living apart, and I assume that we can trust each other—we do not need to constantly reassure each other that or connection is real, or work at maintaining a connection that works fine on its own.
You don’t need me as much as you think. I didn’t know about that—as my life revolved around my work, and, without our connection, I didn’t get much interpersonal contact, especially not with people my age, or within a dateable range. I looked forward to our time together, and the things she said, as she provided some much needed input, fresh air, to replace the thoughts that got sent back to me by people somewhere in the spacetime continuum that might’ve been familiar with me, and knew how I worked, and how they might reach me. Also, because of my talents, I felt that I was a kind of ground, to some, people that, when charged by something, sought to discharge that information quickly, without processing it, and, since i was so different, and part of a greater, living frequency, there was a greater potential difference between me and them, which, unfortunately, at times, meant that i got dumped on, so I needed fresh input from time to time to keep me occupied and inspired—to keep me going.
Enter my universe, and be happy! I looked forward to spending time with her at her place—that is to say, to have her send her information, her background, to me. Was she already doing that? In part, but, in many ways, we had mostly been speaking to each other, not deliberately projecting our background in each other’s direction. And how did we do that? Not necessarily by chanting in our voices as we went about our day—that would have kept the line open for conversation, which wouldn’t have established the level of intimacy that I wanted. I wanted, instead, to share a space with her, to spend time together when we didn’t necessarily have anything to say to one another. So my theory was that I needed, instead of counting, in her voice, to simply listen to my breathing, and my heartbeat, and pay attention to my surroundings, and simply think it. To say, in advance, I am sending this to Ursula, and then put her out of my mind—allow the both of us to share a space without necessarily paying attention to each other. Then I could truly get to know more about her, and what she was like.
So, now that i was paying attention to the ticking of the clock, and regulating my breathing and my counting at that fixed pace, when i was doing my backchanneling, I’d become aware of the ticking of the clock in the living area—where I worked, which, in the past, I hadn’t noticed. But I didn’t want to be tied to such a fixed structure when I was going about my day, so, although I could still hear the ticking of the clock, I tried to pay attention to my breathing and count at my own pace—independent of the clock. Sometimes I seemed to align with the ticking—it was almost second nature, but that wasn’t entirely natural, and information did not always get passed on in measured increments. Sometimes we needed to physiologically align with the bodies of our colleagues, and that meant allowing for a lot more flexibility—trying, a little, to ignore the clock. I thought about taking it down, but I also thought it was good practice to avoid consciously aligning with the ticking. In that way I could tune, a little, to the natural changes in breathing that take place as we live and work.