Indeed, yesterday, I felt that I might overheat, so, after painting, for the rest of the afternoon, I put my clock away.  I could still hear the clock on the wall if I listened for it, but it was in the background and I didn’t pay much attention to it.  But I’m listening to my clock now, and, I think I will, throughout the morning, unless I change my mind, and decide to listen to it for half the morning, and part of the afternoon.  Yesterday, I had just two teaspoons of coffee and one Dr. Pepper, and I got to sleep okay, although I woke up early, couldn’t go back to sleep, and decided to take another bath.  The fist sixteen stanzas of “Chevy Chase” are getting a little tiresome, so I’m thinking of adding the first however many stanzas of “Tam Lin” back into my repertoire.  But that would take a little time—and, if all goes well, I won’t be waking up at 6:00 am and getting in the bath at 6:30 or so.  I’ll be sleeping until 7:30 or 8:00, and reciting my lines, and, if I feel like it, saying my prayers, every so often, from my bed.  I felt a little impatient in the bath today—in part because “Chevy Chase” had gotten tiresome, and, in part, because I didn’t have a lot of daydreams passing through my mind.  I ended up mainly just wondering how, if the next life was, is, and will be eternal, when, exactly, the speed of light, or special relativity was tested, for example, and how that worked.

    Well, my back was more relaxed, yesterday, but my heart was beating a little too fast all day, and on into the night, and i had some trouble sleeping.  So I promised myself I was going to cut back to two heaping two spoons instead of four heaping teaspoons—because if the caffeine kept me from sleeping, then, zen morning or no zen morning, the caffeine had to be reduced.  I’d managed pretty well so far, as I’d skipped the cup I had yesterday before shaving, so I was on one cup, now, and it was 9:28 am.  So by the time I finished this cup, I’d have another, I guess around 10:15, and then I’d switch to Dr. Pepper at eleven, and have two Dr. Peppers, which, i’m thinking, and hoping, will correct the problem.  I also wonder if listening to my clock all day might have caused me to overheat a little; I felt a little under pressure throughout the day, so, I’m listening to my clock now, but if I listen to it all day remains to be seen.  I’ll just have to play it by ear.  I’d made another adjustment, too.  I did have a bath this morning, as I was up around 6:30 AM with no chance of going back to sleep, and, when it came time to say my prayer, which I don’t always do, I used my voice instead of Ursula’s voice—so I’d decided to go back to my voice when going about my day.  I’d use Ursula’s voice while sitting at the computer, or while writing some of the literature I write, but, it seemed, I’d recovered Ursula’s voice as best I could, and that, in using her voice alone, I might have been ignoring my true self.

    You might be thinking, well, I know you wrote many books that might be considered both tedious and pretentious, books that didn’t make sense, books that were absurdist, etc.  And it’s true, I did.  But they weren’t necessarily high brow.  They were absurdist.  Some people are into that kind of thing—and, if you’re not, don’t read that—read this.  I’d written a little something for everyone, or at least I’ve tried to, and by that I mean that I can’t shake being me, so, if you don’t like me, or you’re bothered by an ambiguous sexuality, or an array of existential and philosophical topics, then you probably won’t like my work.  But if you do like me, and you have, on occasion, asked some big questions, then I think you would like my work—you just might not like all of it.  You might only like one particular period, for example, or even just one, or two, particular books.  But I didn’t consider my work to be high brow—i figured, you could study it on a collegiate level, but you didn’t need to.  You could go into it as if you were stoned, or, simply, because you could identify with me and my thoughts, my life.

    So how could a 5D coordinate be related to both 4D coordinates in 5D and 4D coordinates in 4D?  Well the 5D universe embeds, or surrounds, the 4D universe, in the same way that space embeds, or surrounds, the earth.  So the 4D universe curves into the 5D universe, although, for us, the surface of the earth would be two dimensional.  So, just as we have coordinates on earth, latitude and longitude, that would be meaningless without the earth, so, too, we have coordinates in the 4D universe that would be meaningless without the 4D universe, and yet, at the same time, our position, on earth, can be given universal, three dimensional coordinates.  So my paintings could have some existence at a particular latitude and longitude with respect to a 4D universe, and, also, some existence on a different, universal, three dimensional grid with respect to 5D.