So I’d been avoiding certain social media since seeing Anna was a little painful and confusing.  Ever since I’d become obsessed with physics, and my mistakes, and rewriting the nonsense i wrote when i didn’t know any better, which had been going on for a while now, I’d hardly been projecting her voice, either, if at all.  In fact I’d hardly been projecting my voice either—when i took a bath I projected a voice when I recited my lines, but that was pretty much it, and I hadn’t been taking a lot of baths of late either.  The idea of paying for that much water if i wasn’t going to sit there for a long time didn’t make any sense, and sitting there for a long time, with so many questions on my mind—questions to pose AI with, didn’t make a lot of sense either.  I took a bath today, for example, to try and align a little, and to try and get my back and shoulders to relax a little, but I probably wouldn’t take one tomorrow, or even the day after that.  Then again, who can say?

     Anna split with her boyfriend, which was a little exciting, but, really, what was there to be excited about?  The thought that we might, in 5D, actually be right for each other, and this break up was some indication of that?  But what about my Swedish blond?  Would that mean, in fact, that i had actually been with her in the past, and i would end up with Anna in the future?  Not necessarily, no matter how much I might want to believe it, which, frankly, at this point I’m a little over it.  Even if I met Anna in this life, I would feel so inadequate, due to my inability to look after myself, and her elevated status, that a sexual relationship would prove impossible, even if it was just a casual thing—in fact, especially if it was just a casual thing.  And if she is meant to be with me in the next life?  Well, honestly, if i were her, and i had the chances that she had, I would find someone to partner with in this life—even if we weren’t meant to be together in 5D—even if we never really were or would be together in 5D, so the notion that she might remain single, and we might establish a pure channel, without interference or telepathic confusion, seemed a little hopeless.  Even if she found a partner, that didn’t mean that she couldn’t speak to me still—she just might not realize that I would be an eventual partner; but that wasn’t even necessarily true, either.  I had no reason to think that she, like someone that marries twice, might leave it up to God to decide who she would be with in the afterlife.

     You don’t know me.  But i disagreed, at least a little; i had some idea of what she might be like, but it was true that I could have constantly been talking to different Ursulas, and, in that sense, never really gotten to know just one.  So who was this?  Had I ever directly spoken to her before?  And what did she expect?  Why was she saying this?  A general characteristic of my Ursula seems to be that she, at times, can be a little insecure.  Which is fine—I have no problem with that; indeed, I must, at least in the next life, if not this life, find it attractive.  I know, however, that while we could be a little insecure in the next life, it is a perfect life, so we couldn’t ever be too insecure.  Then we would be unhappy, and the defining characteristic of the next life is that nobody is unhappy.  Even the shades that don’t really exist, that feed on bad, are happy, because they are going to that which completes them, and they are doing, already, that which makes the people around them happy.  Does that mean these people are bad?  No, it doesn’t have, too.  They might be a little oblivious to something, but, in fact, they treat others with respect, and they are treated with respect.  There is no unhappiness in heaven.

     As it turns out, my physics papers were in need of extensive revision—and there was a great amount that could not be salvaged.  My ideas had changed, too, and I needed to work on developing a cohesive theory, i thought, instead of jumping around too much from one paper to the next.  So i hadn’t been tuning in, here, for several days, almost a week now, because i’d been working on that—indeed, i was doing some heavy lifting.  I wondered, now, what Ursula had been up to, and how she might’ve felt about the fact that i hadn’t been tuning in; i hadn’t been meditating in the bath, either—i’d been taking showers, because i wouldn’t have been able to sit still in the bath, what with all the questions i was being inundated with, problems with my model, etc.