It’s okay if you don’t love me   how about that?  was she telling me it’s ok to be gay, or was she telling me that she’d be okay if i didn’t really love her?  But of course I loved my Ursula—I just didn’t know I could be with her—if, that is, she ever got […]

     what do you need, right here, right now?  i didn’t need anything—although I got a spot of pepper in my throat, and that usually meant I was talking too much through my throat—or Ursula was disagreeing with me and or telling me no to something; there wasn’t much i could do but try and

     i feared a little . . . that i might go down in history as a tramp; i couldn’t say for sure whether she was speaking in the perfect or imperfect past—but, considering the possibilities of an affair, i could understand where she was coming from.  An affair, i think, would do damage to

     Are you waiting for them?  but i didn’t see myself as waiting—i was actively doing something most of the time, i didn’t believe that Christ was going to come to earth and reign over us, and i didn’t believe that this was just a dream before waking up in heaven.  the things i was

     That was fast   and, indeed, applying wave properties to my thoughts could get a little tedious at times—but so could everything that involved a learning curve.  We want, don’t we, to speak German instantaneously, something that I spent a few years on (taking a three hour class once a week) while learning almost nothing. 

     I was playing with a characteristic amplitude that might serve as a password or a pin that i could use when i wanted to check my messages others intended strictly for us.  For example, I could hear Ursula saying something (that I’ll keep private for safety reasons), and I turned up the sound, so

     I’d been getting better results—and i might be more willing to listen to Ursula in real life—if i didn’t project her voice all the time.  So I decided I could use Ursula’s voice mainly in the time that we were writing, and, when doing other things, I could use my voice alone—or even go

     What about that?  “they stack,”   that’s encouraging  but i’m here for the remix—not the new stuff   and so, it occurred to me:  “We’ll be everybody’s first family,” but that got shot down like a bat out of heck, meaning, specifically,  i know what I want to do next   which was what?  Surf!  She must’ve

     You can’t do that   but i needed a little clarification—was she and or they saying that I couldn’t do something, and getting some pleasure, or sense of relief, out of it?  What couldn’t I do?  Love a woman?  Love a man?  Both?  Neither.  I was in the dark.  She said she was talking about

     As I regulated my breathing, and did my best to tune in, I found myself reluctant to ask: how are you doing?  Or something like that.  I didn’t want a conversation with Ursula—I wanted to write this book; i wanted to read the emails she sent me, and compute what, in the future, people