What are you getting yourself into?  i didn’t know, but things were changing—shifting.  The ground was shifting a little, and, if you didn’t know any better, you might think that you would get swallowed up.  Nothing so complicated, right now, as intoning my voice on the consonants and Ursula’s voice on the vowels, except, in a way, it kind of was, because that’s what I was used to doing, so it took a little effort to paint over everything in Ursula’s voice.  So, reality check: most people are not a walking metronome that projects different voices.  Most people broadcast in their minds, when they’re winding down, the things that they said throughout the day.  They send out a blanket frequency that you can attach yourself to or not.  So, realistically, Ocasio-Cortez, at least, was not talking to me directly.  She was talking to others in a way that aligned with what she wanted to say to me—on my frequency, and then she was reporting those things, both to herself—as if she just wanted to remember something—and to others—but not exactly me and me alone.  To do that she’d either have to project my voice or project a substitute voice that she assigned to do this.  Hence, although Ursula, who was from the future, could count and project, Ocasio-Cortez, in her current form, could not.  At least that was overwhelmingly probable.

     getting a little stressed out over understanding some integral stuff—and so, consequently, i studied it a little over the past three days but did nothing on my actual paper.  Didn’t do much today—got too stressed out; got fidgety with an itch at the back of my throat—a desire, no less, for oblivion.  Now—I’d stopped taking the Lexapro altogether; so i had to be careful about getting stressed out—if it became a constant thing i might need to find another option—something that I could take instead of Lexapro, something that wouldn’t ruin my ability to have sex—and there had been some (but not enough) improvement in that area now that I’d been off it for a few days.  We’ll see what happens after a week and a half or so.  I guess this stuff can take a while to totally get out of your system.

    Wow—you’re really moving freight!  I think she was excited because I’d figured out how to publish my music to those that could play it (like Amazon music)—in fact, in about ten days, I’d be able to listen to my jazz piece through Alexa, Amazon’s music (speaker) and player.  Now, I know what you’re thinking: that’s not such a big deal—nobody is going to be able to find you, and, even if they did, they might listen to one song for ten seconds and decide they weren’t interested.  So yeah, publishing the music was more about investing in a legacy than it was making money or getting any kind of notoriety whatsoever.  People, including Ursula, (and including me) needed to understand that.  But I think Ursula did understand that, and she was simply excited for me for what it was—something that she could turn on in the background at her convenience.

     I was trying to get Ursula on the line but I kept seeing her picture and thinking: what’s there to write?  She already loves me!  But she wasn’t talking for like 20 minutes as I sat here drinking sparkling water and getting a little buzz off it.  I kept listening for some still small voice to speak up, but we’d pretty much covered where we’re at yesterday.  Or at least that’s how it seemed right now.  In reality, however, she was back there—but I was writing, in this instance, after painting instead of before—so she might be at a different address right now—I’m really not sure.  You want me to come back  there, she finally said something—so i told her, “of course i want you to come back.”  We’re going somewhere special, you and I.  i was only thinking, right now, about getting a truck, filling it up with paintings, and convincing one of my brothers to drive it.  We were running out of space here—so, yes, we must’ve been talking about space, or she was thinking about it, and how much of a problem that was going to be for me—since she can’t afford, to my knowledge, to look after me.  Eventually she will be able to, i think, but for right now?  She doesn’t curtsy for rich people—which is one of the main reasons i like her, but that also meant that we couldn’t be together.