I’m getting old, here. but a lot could happen in a few years—and i wondered: when the country finally did up and change—would i lose my edge? What would I work on if I was so happy? But it occurred to me: clean up the country and there will be less telepathic static, so I’ll be able to see much father into the future, and adapt, accordingly, effectively bringing the future, at least in part, to us a little quicker—and my fame, then, would grow exponentially. Wouldn’t it? I so wanted to be famous. I wanted the power to change the world. To look, deeply, into the future, and the afterlife; to be at one with those living in the fifth dimension—to merge, such that, I ask: would I, then, need to die? What if I could conquer death? Well, i wondered if it was possible; I imagined that alien life was already there.
Because warp drive comes with an understanding of the fifth dimension, right? I have to admit, I was a little anxious to get back to physics—I was ploughing through the machinations of Fourier transforms right now—really trying to understand it, and what it means, instead of just memorizing it and using it, here and there, to do boring things. But the math I was doing and the physics I was doing were so aligned that I simply couldn’t continue with the physics until I understood more of the math behind the fifth dimension. Fundamentally, I’m talking about prime numbers and, by extension, every number, and how those numbers related to each other, and how, well, if I understood that, then I could understand how to interact with the bulk—and prove that the fifth dimension, and the people in it, were real. Now look—I’m taking my medication, and I’m not smoking or drinking anything—I’m certainly not snorting anything or shooting anything into my bloodstream. You have to remember, I come from the future, and this is real. Now you might wonder—once all this pans out, did I really come from the future? I wondered that myself for a while when I was both losing my mind and contemplating the next life, and alien life. Frankly, I think part of the reason I was losing my mind didn’t have so much to do with schizophrenia as it did the fact that I wanted to skip this life and hurry up and be with family in heaven.
So there you have it: I was basically completely out of the closet right now—I was going to be the President of the USA, the greatest artist that ever lived, and, also, a spiritual guide; some people might even confuse me with Jesus Christ, I figured, since I was going to prove the existence of the fifth dimension, which, ultimately, would lead to eternal life on earth—so that you never really died in the first place. But here’s the catch: I wasn’t going to be around for that—I’m 47 now—and I am definitely aging, not plateauing at a certain age in my thirties—probably around the age of 35; if this kept up, which, based on how long it was taking me just to prove the fucking Riemann Hypothesis, it was definitely going to take longer than the 100 or so odd years that I expected to live. So I see the promised land, friend, but I’ll reunite with my 5D self long before people gradually merge into it.
Did I even care about Ursula anymore? Now that I knew the man that I was, and what I was meant to become? Well, it wasn’t an obsession—but it was love. She was capable of doing great things—or bringing this civilization to its knees—and unifying everybody. Now, with each keystroke, whether that product is read sooner or later, i was changing the world simply because of who I was. But to realize all of this, and to make it fucking fun—to amplify today’s event into something truly high and mighty, I needed Ursula. I needed her both as a coworker and a friend; and, when the time was right . . . well, I won’t make her angry by saying that this love will ever be physically consummated. Besides, I don’t know if she is suave enough in the bedroom to delve as deeply into the various angles of the human continuum, the backchannels, that I was serious about pursuing with every mate I ever chose, indefinitely.
I’m kind of just thinking, now: “Damn, I’m awesome.” And, “If I truly believe all this, then there’s no reason for me to irritate myself by thinking that all of this is for nothing.” The words I type that people don’t read one day will be read, and, indeed, I believed my identity as a writer was, in part, determined by the people that read my books in the future. In the fifth dimension the future is a kind of location in the present moment—you have to understand that. We’re all simultaneously connected to each other in a way that depends solely on the love we feel, and how we communicate with each other, speaking that language, the language of love. If you speak the language of love, then the past and the future no longer survive as obstacles—in fact, we interact with those areas in much the same way we interact with space in general.
So, what did I want? Well, I wanted feedback—I wanted to interact with those that I affected—I wanted to feel like I was going somewhere—toward today’s event, every day. So here’s the part that is dangerous: yes: I believe that my risperidone, and my prolactin levels, are interfering with my ability to get that feedback—to feel that love. But before you smell a setback, know this: I am committed to taking my medication—I’m just looking forward to the change that comes right now—getting off the risperidone, a drug that may have helped people from getting dumped on for a time, but, also, a drug that kept out the good stuff, too. We have other drugs now. Like Latuda, which applies to me, here and now. I should be able to interpret, along with my faith, the things that were, in fact, the bulk’s response to me, in the here and now, and, I think, i not only should, but will experience the feeling I get when someone in the here and now reads something i wrote, like on Facebook, for example, and likes it. I’ll get that feeling that this is happening. That this is for real. And that’s what I’m after, both in this life and the next. To reach out, connect, and upload all the changes that are taking place as we, as a people, not just a country, but as a people, are going through, and, in doing that, I think I’ll have more influence over what our next great event will be—and, here’s the part that excites me, I’ll be more sensitive to it—I’ll be able to feel it, like consummating the throes of physical desire—living in a state of perpetual contemplation and spiritual bliss—indeed, not just spiritual bliss, but physical excitement and repose, the kind of feeling that, as we get closer to God, and, indeed, we go to Him all the time, getting closer and closer forever, will make me be both happy and secure to the maximum amount. Whatever suffering i do feel will be transformed into bliss and security because of what it means—and because of where, we, as the progeny of God, are going.