choice awakening, arriving, no worries: i know this is real drop a hint, sister—i know that’s what they were doing, and i wasn’t interested, see? I don’t need all these colors to make a milkshake . . . drop a hint, sister (when they eat they feel a kick) and tell me what you’re made of: are you mind over matter? or some indefinite shade of gray? Djinns in bad weather—the djinn is here to stay: as real as you make him does he believe he can stay?
making definite progress; slow and steady wins the race. But one minute I’m losing it, and then she comes in a hurry: hallway orgasm; SSRI leaving my body - it’s just me and Dizzy—trying to prove that he’s James Dean . . . that went up in smoke be something that you’re not? why? just for a moment, i get a sense, don’t I, that you’re a real woman
and it’s all a crying shame—love how you dress
quickly, now, hide the candelabra - I
don’t want to transition out of this mess
not now, see, when i’m on to pie in the sky
more creative than ever—on track to make
amends; live a little longer, give us the bends
here’s my formal, super-duper handshake
strange new world—the frequency she sends
the best of both worlds; i believe in it, honey
checking my email: this is dangerous
living on the margins of society
half a conscience baked straight into us
speak of the devil? i don’t believe him;
we are already saved—we only think we’ll
suffer—look beyond his shitty rim,
brown nose the futures, sidle up to me
we can do this two ways: when we
connect, after this, the thirst in your eyes
is the climax i keep; using it permanently
gold fish swimming round, suddenly he dies
that’s part of the mission; who am i kidding
think i’m in the military: God’s army
to be exact: watch me light up and sing
go fund me, darling, be what you want to be
but pitiful me; steer clear of the café,
to be my authentic self—well, that’s enough
for today. get me off the risperidone, hey
I’d like to eat in the middle of the day,
take nutrient, ward off the garden path
that led, once, to coffee and cigarettes
unspeakable word—met with venom and wrath
ticking timebomb, the orgasm begets
his digital subscripted line, written to me
fighting for my daughter? God speed to
the end of the earth: circular, i see,
thoughts that don’t belong to me or you
chipping in to your campaign—stave off
my welfare; i love you, honey, and i’d
like to see the proof—a hiccup and a cough
the way you thought, nostalgia to abide
follow, for now, his vocal line: match up
with the liquor that serves him so fine,
thinking, beforehand [liquor in my cup]
i got so close to believing—addict desire
in the middle of the night: Jesus Christ
that is loud; size, right now, is what counts
look onward Christian soldier, she’s diced
make her a salad—pushing to what mounts
like cocaine for a racehorse, feeling me snug
whatever you do, don’t think of me that way,
i insist, for the moment, give him a hug
i’ll be quiet, knowing, she’s coming today
so close—and then the gap’s what it will be
so fucking close; live to fight another day
now the life-force emerges; belongs to me,
an ocean of rant-energy: unite and pay
crispy fried chicken: carnivore in the backseat. Won’t stop looking for the sign that pushes me over the top—i’ll believe it before it happens—i will imagine it; get me off this medication: i found a purpose: i believe in God; going to heaven—going to go to bed with a fraud: emerge from your past, lady valentine, loving you is something . . .
but I fucking want You! so close to a shitstorm, rattle and hum; with you in my arm; at ease, captain! been like this to the end of time: surreal as it gets. I close my eyes and I sleep in the nick of time: sleep medication as needed raw, unfiltered, and off the cuff: there’s a place for that
when it’s just adults, here, in the room. watching cock-eyed television; can’t read what I cannot see: rebel with blue eyes—alien scumbag to me. Vincent, oh Vincent, forming a bridge; i am thankful, then, to him, for that, making room for me—this is God’s army, showing no mercy,
cutthroat telepathy. Background is a haze until, hey, now, I can see it now; clearly, on the horizon: i know better than to dig in—an attempt at violence, no holds barred. It won’t let me do it—I cannot fully discharge; so close, mama, singing to me, but this is not real enough: I need more—I have faith, it’s coming, you’ll sing, and we’ll be a family with an edge: cold light of day—anxiety; that’s them on the line, calling for me! Well come what may: I approach asymptotically: then heaven sent, darling, I surrender and pray