I was taking slow shallow breaths—as if i was trying to be very quiet, in anticipation of something, like seeing a wild animal in the wilderness, such as a moose, for example. What did a moose mean to Ursula? Did she have some telepathic word for it? I tried saying it in both Navajo speak and middle English speak in her voice, like I sometimes do when we “text” across space and time. A moose, she said, meant freedom, and so I imagined seeing a moose in my mind, and i projected it, as such, to my followers. I wanted to inspire them to live free no matter what. I didn’t want, however, for anybody to perish—as twenty-first century Americans, we were, or we should have been, above going to war or dying for any reason whatsoever—even if the motto, for many, remained: live free of die.
I increased the wavelength of my breathing to an eight count, hoping to tap into Ursula when she’s asleep, and nothing is keeping her from processing what she thinks and feels. Sometimes i switched gears—from a six-count to an eight count and vice versa depending on what i was thinking or feeling—or what other people, from the future, were thinking or feeling. i wondered, then, how to make an emoji that appears next to a text—something that you wanted to say you liked, for example. Ursula was sending me a smiley face with a couple of hearts. Whatever I was doing, i wanted to keep doing it, because i wanted her to be both happy and in top form when she runs for the presidency. The emoji thing was nice—i visualized it; she said, come back for more but i didn’t want to take advantage of her (in case she was asleep, and she didn’t have any control over what was dream-like and what was possible).
She sent me an image of a casket and a pile of dirt—as if she was at a funeral; but perhaps it was me that was at the funeral—although i didn’t get the sense, in the message, that I was there. i was there—i was at my best i don’t know if the image was supposed to represent her father’s death or what—but I sensed that i was on slippery ground, because she might’ve been reminding me that my father, at some point (hopefully in the distant future) was going to die—and that was dangerous ground—something that i didn’t want to think about. I figured she was telling me to proceed with caution—perhaps because she didn’t want me to get my hopes up—doing that would ruin our friendship—since, as it happens, nobody wants to get hurt.
So i sent the casket image back—then i sent the moose, and said, “you win some and you lose some.” Then i said it in her voice and waited for a reply. More happy emojis—all the more reason for me to feel good. I understand, then, that I’m a little close to home, and, because of that, i was a temptation and or a threat to her happiness. Hence the casket. So I sent the casket again, and said, in her voice, “casket.” That was too confirm the gravity of the information she was sharing, and, perhaps she was telling me that the physical theories i was developing, right now, were very important—that i was at a critical point both in my life and in the makings of history. I was so happy. I sent her another happy emoji.
she is going to die referring, i think, to both me and Eula, Ursula’s link to a future represented by my dead grandmother. Perhaps she was talking to me from the other side. What was Ursula really saying? That i, in fact, was in contact with her? I received an image of a zoo, i got the word zoo, and i recalled going to the zoo with my family, including my grandmother, and if i remember correctly, they had a black panther—which was a rare sight to see. A turning point for all of us, i think, some time after her husband, my grandfather, died. I asked Ursula then if she wanted me to tie her shoes—as if she was a child or an old person, which was my way of saying that i was in this for life—she’d always be a part of me—through the work that i and or we were doing right now in this super productive last year and a half. that’s great, i said, and I sent her an image of a remote control. I don’t know if it was turning something on or off or just being what it both was and is.