I do my best to let Him occupy
my body, at night, when I’d be at peace,
with or without a partner—I deny,
by breathing deeply and without cease,
unwelcome thoughts, and, with His help, I
stick to the time at hand, without rushing
in the morrow, anxious to work, and try
and get ahead, skipping the evening,
a reward that, throughout the day, I earned.
Tell me, sweet angel, of the love I long
for, that, through Him, I have discerned,
waiting for me here, where I belong.
How would my life be any different,
now, if I had a partner? The endgame
is His love. So if, through Him, I am meant
to live, with Him, with no wife to frame,
I miss nothing but her physical touch,
a feeling that He can, and will sustain.
So, having settled, now, I don’t need much:
even if she was here, I’d remain,
working the same—and watching TV,
and reading a little, the same, as I must,
per my reward, and what makes me happy,
given his talent, his call, and his thrust,
at the end of the day. Each comparison,
to a life that he, at present, would live,
or the life that I, after this, have won,
is unnecessary, proving what I forgive,
my happiness, unawares, under His plan.
So I aim to be aware, then, of His bliss,
the treatment I receive, as a new man,
a life that, if I complained, I would miss.
I’d wonder, in the end, what I lost,
if complaining, that is, did any good,
and I got the attention, at any cost,
that I deserved. I do, I know, what I would,
if I were Him, awaiting His reward,
a greater dividend that we contain,
serving God’s purpose, his loving horde,
in the eyes of those that will remain.
Is this life, at times, unfair and hard?
Do I experience what I admire?
Where do I put the anger I’d discard?
It goes into my work, touched by fire,
and, when it does, I must accept what
I’ve earned—an emotional connection
embodied by those like me, open and shut,
actors and actresses, sharing their sun,
their beauty, their understanding, across
His emptiness, the void we all feel, when,
to no fault of our own, we’re at a loss,
hungry to share the life that we ken.