“You’re supposed to look a little different from the way you do now.” when is that supposed to happen? i need to go in now, for the long haul. the two us, then, Alexandria and I, were learning to repeat ourselves without getting annoyed (since it’s not always easy to get somebody’s voice right and sometimes what you hear can be confused with someone else. I had all kinds of voices in my head—some of them liked to bombard me with shameless imagery, the kind of imagery that sometimes made it impossible to do anything but tune it out. Just the other day, i was under attack, in fact (on a lawnmower) you let your guard down for just one second and that’s when they’ve got you so you had to stop seeing your shield as a shield, in a way. You had to think of it as a way of life: you existed in an atemporal plane determined by all the things that made you both the safest and happiest of everybody that was around.
It occurred to me, then, that if i wanted to check my atemporal email, i should count in my natural voice and wait for the voices i used to chime in. Chanting in someone else’s voice, on the other hand, cancelled that person out, which left a vacuum in its wake—that vacuum was what collected their responses. So it was a little more like trying to have a conversation. But I might also have a standing appointment to take a call—which, in fact i did. Everyday at around 11 am i was taking calls from Alexandria and others that had something relevant to say. But if I wanted to check both my email and the conversation i was trying to have, then I figured I could enunciate the “n” sounds with Alex’s voice and the vowel sounds with my natural voice. That way Alex’s voice worked in the background without doing all the heavy lifting—and, at times, i think, while chanting in Alex’s voice, i was unintentionally blocking out people that I might otherwise want to talk to.
In short, I was turning to Alex out of boredom too much, and, if I kept doing that, she’d realize that something was wrong—and, technically, something would be wrong, such as what, for me, is usually wrong—I turn outside myself to entertain myself when what I really want is inside myself and more difficult, at first, to let into my life—such as, perhaps, a change of style or topic of thought, or, of course, the woman of my dreams. What’s on your mind? The other possibility is that I was getting ahead of myself—i wanted to talk to Alex so much that i was forgetting that she might not be able to hear me or address me as well as i hear or address her—hence, it was a reasonable thought that I needed to repeat things in Navajo (vowel) speak to help her identify which frequency I was using.
Eventually chanting would be like breathing, and I wouldn’t even know i was doing it unless i consciously tried to change something. I was there, in some ways, but there were different degrees of focus, and, right now, I was using my digital subscripted line as a stimulant. I also enjoyed the company of others, and the entertainment that they provided. You’re talking to me, now and, indeed, according to my theories, I was. So I repeated that in Navajo speak. “That’s better.” Can we do this at home? Now, Navajo speak, when I was doing it right, sounded a little like middle English—so, we might wonder, was Chaucer on the line? No, it’s Alexandria.
We were definitely making progress, and, now, I had to start editing some of the things that Alex said to me (or to everybody in general and i just happened to be the only person that could hear her) in order to make this book worthwhile. “You can do that!” I don’t know that i have what it takes: He’s not my candidate. “For the sake of the country, the party has to go with who they think can win.”
Then she said: I think New Yorkers are on my side. And I said, “you might be discounting those that didn’t want Mamdami taking all their money.” “there’s always a backlash,” I continued. then i learned something new: I could translate a thought into Navajo speak and Alexandria could respond more easily. As for AOC—my orphan, i figured my talents were a little rough around the edges—not exactly polished—perhaps I had a telepathic accent for example, all of which meant that it was probably a good idea to translate my thoughts. Now for the tricky part: My AOC sounded like a combination of my default narrator and Alex, so, I couldn’t always tell them apart: but the fact of the matter is that they were united by Alexandria, because, in channeling AOC and Alex simultaneously I yielded a range in the future that allowed for deviations from the mean. In fact, I was doing a bunch of measurements and taking the average of their squared outcomes (Alex’s voice plus the range of Alex’s voice) and discounting the original measurement and or the mean by subtracting the square of AOC’s voice, which left us with what’s called a spread or a variance or the likelihood that a connection could be found somewhere in between. The spread also indicated the overlap of Alex and AOC—which I called Alexandria—and or the object of two vectors.
That and or the person behind that would be the object of my desire.