i think our man actually got his feelings hurt when he saw people pushing back—as if he had expected everybody to like him so much that he could be both a dictator and favored! he trades money for influence “as those in power do,” and, as we let my true love steep in, anything but chamomile, i become certain that this marathon will come to an end. The people, even those that trade money for influence, had a threshold. it wasn’t a matter of the president going too far—it was a matter of people, with little or nothing outrageous enough to both condone and talk about, having a threshold, such that their tolerance would collapse soon enough (with a little help from me, i hope, since as it happens, i want to be a part of history)
“i need to find a new way to say the same thing” that’s something that politics is—what it’s all about; you entertain people! That’s how you get elected; that’s how you make millions on the news; everybody is suing people right now, or so it seems, which will backfire on the hateful—leaving the decisions to the courts, which aren’t all bad. i said i’ll have it your way and lo and behold, i was reaching a tipping point. i was on the cusp of change, something happening to me, or for me, which doesn’t always mean the same thing. “write, then, persona non grata,” and, if you can do that, in this situation . . . you’ll find that you, “Yes, You,” can be the president the ultimate opportunity.
But I didn’t want to talk about the president, not exactly. I kind of wanted to talk about me—and what, of all things, could be wrong with my relationship, if not with Jesus, then with myself, since, when i wasn’t working, i was profoundly unhappy. I’d aged a little in the past year—i was more likely to sit back and wait for the right time to strike, as opposed to just jumping headlong into the mix. Yes—i wanted the person of my dreams; yes, i’d once convinced myself that i was with the right person, although, in the back of my mind, there had always been the sneaking suspicion that i was doing what felt comfortable as opposed to what was right.
Hence the wall of silence. Did i need to find someone else to talk to? How could i do that when i was invested in, if not entirely committed to, my live in lover? All these various voices, in my head, in the quantum foam, were blending together a little—although I had learned, and gotten more comfortable with, speaking from my head as opposed to my throat.
first things first (AOC) namely, reinvesting in other places a little at a time—perhaps even working through my breaks and my quality time—which, unfortunately, usually involved watching TV. I didn’t have enough time anymore to watch a lot of TV; i had so much on my plate, and i didn’t feel alive unless i was doing everything I could to resist the direction my country was going in. resist you didn’t have to love someone to resist and you could make a name for yourself because of the horrific conditions we were living in, hoping, i suppose, that we’’ll get used to seeing the military all over the place—especially in the places, like cities, where the democrats usually lived.
i don’t know if you got my email. i didn’t know if i did either, since, for whatever reasons, i’d been avoiding three hours of study and only studying for two hours instead. i’d become so good at everything that things weren’t taking as long as they used to—i needed to invest more time in my mathematical studies—or maybe i was saturated after a couple hours and i needed to let things simmer, which leads to the idea that i have time to spend with a significant other if such a person ever comes along (finds me in a haystack). I’ve certainly done all the looking i’m going to do—so yes, i have to make up for lost time to actualize, but it’s best to do a little a day everyday as opposed to letting everything get muddled because too many points have surfaced.
“You don’t know me from Adam,” i said that in a blend of my voice and the voice of my internal narrator—i was speaking, but i don’t know where the thought came from. i concluded, in general, that if I said something in my voice or some blend of it, like that, then I might’ve been thinking, for example, of AOC, but I was making my comment public, such that anybody that was interested in it could hear, and, theoretically, they could respond. “that’s a disaster,” (Me) but, again, i didn’t know what was a disaster exactly, but i suppose that was the reason i was writing this, to figure that out, and, hopefully, make friends.