i see You coming—this is no ordinary stroll, and, if I have my way, i’ll bring you in, rest assured of that. Alexandria wasn’t talking, so what was up with Craig? he used to paint, got pretty good at it, actually—he captured a few likenesses in his masterpiece, portraits of him and his siblings with mountains in the background. died of stomach cancer like his grandfather before him. “You know my name? That’s just great. I’m just waiting around!” Hoping my Parkinson’s doesn’t catch on. Hoping this love, my lady, will go on forever. but you know i can’t be here and yes, i was aware of that: “I’m so excited that, notwithstanding, we can speak!” don’t think of me that way honestly, i can’t help it! That being me.
“you go to the storm,” Craig said; i saw lighting, crash! I was walking round an isolated place—in the midst of a salty lake, and i had to get out of there quickly. Was i losing my mind? I never knew how, in a practical sense, i was going to be able to do all the things that Craig had planned for me. I don’t even know if I was talking to Craig (as a friend) at that time. He might’ve just been driving, and i was being driven. but i had the various voices in my head, and i could go over the things that I said when I was out in the world (e.g. buying groceries). We were connected
i couldn’t handle a break up right now, and there were things about McCord that i could relate to, but we were going in different directions and the sex reflected that; it was too boring, then too aggressive, or just plain inconsequential. i guess you can usually tell when you’re going to break up based on how boring or violent your partner is. McCord was just trying to wake me up inside, to wake us up, but he knew that we’d lost something. Now, whether that something was just the natural wear and tear of familiarity or whether it was indicative of a split, i couldn’t say for sure, but, something about the sex, maybe the kissing more than the sex, just felt plain wrong.
heed the commercials as in, although i’m with you, when i go out, i undo three buttons instead of one. “don’t tell me that’s for your benefit.” That gives us pause. You can’t tell a woman how to dress, however, or she’ll break up with you, and she might sleep around before she does it, exposing you, potentially, to contagious diseases. that’s right “oh, i get it; it’s because i’m this way, as opposed to that way, that you assume I’m the one that’s put you at risk!
this is for your benefit what, the wall of silence? why was Alexandria sparing her words? Did it have something to do with the fact that I wasn’t drinking a Dr. Pepper? She was going to have to get used to that—it’s important not to rely on something that exists outside of you. For now, I was on the dregs of a can of fizzy water; what if, i wondered, Alexandria was tuning me out with coffee on top of coffee? It’s not my place to talk—i was like that for years; but it was still a minor problem, unless I concentrated hard enough, and was able to address this Alexandria in both places at once—both coffee buzzing and not coffee buzzing.
let’s do things this way i think, AOC, right now, was driving me because i tried to respond to Alexandria and i ended up doing it in AOC’s voice. i want to do things Your way. that was tricky—the emphasis on the capital form of you (You) seemed to indicate that we could go on like this indefinitely, but as soon as i merged with Alex i would lose everything, and so i was becoming more and more concerned. Thinking about Alex got me even giddier than thinking about the afterlife, but i think they meant the same thing. Alexandria was just the label. I had to make every effort, if I was going to continue speaking to her, to look past her, and give those that might love me despite my condition a fair chance. fine as in, how can you resist?