suddenly i didn’t want to shift into Hitler or Jack Daniels’ body anymore; however, because of my risperidone, I might find myself, at times, shifting a little anyhow: sometimes goodness isn’t an option—it’s required, which, you may remember from a Sunday school class, is what the devil wanted for everybody. He wanted us to be good no matter what—without free agency. well, as long as i was alive, i could choose to do bad, but I wasn’t going to do bad, so, in that way, when it came to being good, I didn’t have much choice—if I knew what was good, then I had to do that—for the greater good.
thus, in taking my medication, i found myself given the opportunity to change history for the better, which, in turn, would improve whatever situation i happened to be in. but i’d gotten to know both Hitler and Jack Daniels well enough to project their images and their voices when i was trying to communicate with the people that, thanks to the past perfect, were still alive—connected to both me and a future, if not necessarily my future.
i used these voices to carve out AOC and other influences that, for whatever reasons, were getting dumped on by a second tier group of people that, although “genius” were getting high on something and dumping their energy:
Double check your connection, I heard, in Alex’s voice. Then, in a different, unknown voice that was somewhat like my narrator’s: “He’s not doing that anymore.” I don’t know who that was—but this was interesting because now three people were involved—like when you wanted to start a conversation and you sounded three voices at the same time: yours, a child’s, and the voice of the person you wanted to talk to. So, who was He? Wasn’t He always Me? the person that i would’ve been if i had the chance to do everything perfectly without ever dumping my back? But when we say He we might also be referring to Jesus—or the individual that invokes Jesus to suit the idea that they have of themselves. In that case: He is bad. Therefore we might say that He is a combination of a subject Me and an object, Him , who, in hindsight, was ahead of their time. He, then, is the overseer, Me is us in an ideal state, and Him is the person that He really was, before he got invoked, in the present, by none other than He—who could be good or bad.
why now? why not yesterday? that what AOC said, so i tried to make sense out of what I was hearing: first: Alex said: “Double check your connection.” Then an unknown voice that was related to my default voice, (He), said: “He’s not doing that anymore.” And now AOC wanted to know why something didn’t happen yesterday. So Alex was getting some static—and she probably couldn’t hear me, even when I spoke directly to her, and then somebody was defending them—and, because they, when I speak of them, generally mean me, (freckles and all), i could only assume that AOC wanted to know why I hadn’t entered their life sooner—if I was, as I purported to be, good for them.
The answer AOC got from me was that I was dealing with Him, who was looking out for me, but, as a person of the past, couldn’t help but dump their back a little—though they were doing the best that they could. We had a relationship, I explained (in AOC’s voice) that depended on the two of us helping each other deal with excess information; as a show of good faith, then, I spoke to AOC in an uncle’s voice, that, I explained, represented Him, so that AOC could communicate with them if, for some reason, they couldn’t get a hold of Me. So, basically, I told AOC that I had their back, and I would do my best not to tax them with mine.