After a little time passed, I found myself hearing myself using a voice that was a combination of an internal voice that I seemingly used all the time and AOC’s voice—a voice I designated as having come from the future. I defined that person to be the real AOC—the present living and breathing woman that I hoped would be president; so I decided I would call that person Alex—and I would continue to call my orphan from the future AOC. My reasoning was as follows: I defined my orphan with AOC’s voice so that my orphan and I could speak through the president elect—and when I chose to speak to Alex—the president elect—I used the above combination to tune out some of the energy that I had heretofore invested in AOC so that Alex could hear me.
now, i’d been on a cruise, and separated from my devices, but i’d written, on my vacation, an entire book of love poetry about AOC; i was a little frightened, actually, because I figured she could take some of my writing, which wasn’t entirely positive, and use it to rip me to shreds—calling me disrespectful or arrogant and assuming or all three. i was aware that she could do that—but I was also aware that it wouldn’t work to her advantage if she did
so, I admit, if she attacked me, I was going to take her down with me
but my point is that I developed an imaginary relationship with this person that, in my mind, was Alex—and as that relationship progressed i slowly began to notice subtle differences between my orphan (AOC) and the president elect (Alex).
now, throughout the entire book of poetry, my orphan, at times, is speaking to me; i might have been eavesdropping on AOC part of the time—because all the caffeine I was drinking might’ve been amping up the amount of dopamine that I had going on in my brain (as a schizophrenic)
but everything was back to normal, now, and I was typing up my notes—checking, with a sober brain, for points of weakness For, example, I knew that schizophrenia both looks forward to a reward and anticipates a reward at the same time—so if nothing is happening, and you’re anticipating that something exciting is going to happen, then you might end up pretty angry or depressed when, as it happens, nothing happens!
As with alcohol, you might drink to make things more entertaining and think a bunch of stuff that makes little or no sense to a sober mind, and, when the alcohol begins to wear off, and your brain is flooded with dopamine, you might find yourself looking for action
for some people that’s the whole point—and that’s also the reason that we, generally speaking, realize that we’ve made a mistake—we’ve made a decision based on a brain that’s teeming with more dopamine that it normally would—and when we wake up in the morning, and our receptors are tired out, but there’s still a load of dopamine hanging around, we can find ourselves freaking out
Like Hitler: the man was basically a schizophrenic chasing the dragon, determined, in every way, not to be bored Determined, in every way, to make something happen, something that, basically, boiled down to the evidence of eternal life—or the idea that we never die