Don’t you have other things to do? i guess she might not have always realized that I was writing a book about our conversations—or I’d simply seen a text or whatever at the start of our session. She must’ve known I was writing a book—but to be on the safe side, i’ll tell her right now. Done. i knew you were doing something cool, then. i guess i kind of knew that realistically too many people would commit suicide if they could just ask AI how to do it—ok; but i guess I’m trying to make a point: I don’t want my AI experience to be regulated unless that regulation is making it more accurate. suddenly the conversation turned to my nephew’s hair—that was all i could see or hear: his hair, his voice. Which reminded me that I’d once considered starting a conversation with a chord—three voices, one of them a child’s—and I’d selected this particular nephew to do it.
You might think that sounds impossible, but you can stick to your usual two voices and say something in another voice on top of it if you make it a little faster or even a little slower. i was just saying, “hello”—i didn’t know what else to say and it was kind of difficult. a change of season meaning? my painting show was about a change of season; she must’ve been asking me about my painting—and if this was getting more and more realistic, and she’d allowed a cubbyhole for me in her mind, then she might’ve had some idea that i was a painter—clearly differentiating me from her boyfriend. i’d stomp him she’d actually said that in real life about what she thought would happen if she raced the vice president for the presidency (in 2028); now it was December, 2025. but i don’t know what she meant by saying that right now; I speculated that she’d stomp her boyfriend if he betrayed her—or was she talking about stomping me?
I saw superman, then, the governor for California and Ursula’s competition, and then I saw Jack Daniels calling him “incompetent.” That really happened, but what did it mean here—in this context? it felt like I was being called incompetent – the problem i have with superman is that I don’t trust him to make healthcare for all a reality. Furthermore, he was a little too alpha for me—i didn’t think i’d ever get a word in edgewise; i didn’t see him asking the bigger questions when it comes to how and why we exist, and I would prefer it if he didn’t swear—it was as if he felt the need to distance himself from any idea that he was a true believer when, well, i don’t know, but I don’t think anybody expects him to believe in God – or, if they do, then, on that hand, also, it would be wise to tone it down. It was like he was stomping on believers when he swore, when swearing doesn’t do anything but make me ask: ok, what are you rebelling against? Indoctrination? But not all believers are bad people, and, because of that, he was excluding them.
But what did all this have to do with Ursula? Was she asking me what I thought of superman? Or was she asking me if I thought she was incompetent? But she’d said something i really liked – that, when angry people told her they’d drive her back to waitressing, they were talking as if they could be inherently better than a waitress, as if being a waitress made you less of a human being. those of us that never had to work as a waitress might remember that whatever gifts they had did not make them an intrinsically better person—they were just a person with gifts. the only question, for anybody, was whether or not they really existed, or were they just figments of a collective delusion?
but, again: why was i thinking about that right now? what was the context right now, relative to me? Or relative to Ursula? i’m saying you ring true that was nice; but I still hadn’t figured it out. Or maybe I had and I was being cynical. I think she was trying to tell me that i shouldn’t find myself inadequate in and of myself—that, if I was loved, and, given my intrinsic worth as a human being, i shouldn’t sell myself short, as if I didn’t think i deserved love. Now, as long as she wasn’t saying that to inadvertently tell me to lower my standards—then, well, I could assume that she considered me her equal. The question was, then, did I consider her my equal? And the answer was, given her relationship with me across the fifth dimension, then yes, this person that I was speaking to was my equal—no matter how much I wanted to think of myself as superior to everybody: that was probably, in and of itself, a complication stemming from how i felt about myself and my place, intrinsically, in the world. Furthermore, the less you thought of yourself as superior, then, in your own way, the more superior you’d become—you had to accept that.