Are you waiting for them? but i didn’t see myself as waiting—i was actively doing something most of the time, i didn’t believe that Christ was going to come to earth and reign over us, and i didn’t believe that this was just a dream before waking up in heaven. the things i was doing here, on earth, in this temporal life, counted towards the person i was, and the energy I shared, in heaven. now you’ll be a star and i thought, “No, you will be a star!” infinity so I was going to be a star the maximum amount more than her (according to her). But the full amplification of my work wouldn’t happen for a long time to come—perhaps long after I’m dead, and things, once thought impossible, could be a little more plausible—a little more sensible. Do i betray my conceit when I say such things? But it’s not conceit, from where I’m standing. It’s a dedicated plot to secure and share information that is valuable to humanity.
If, however, on the off chance that what I’m doing here goes to nothing, in this temporal life, it will magnify my energy—and my knowledge, in the afterlife. After a while people—like my family, are likely to wonder what I’m spending so much time on, and, given time, and, perhaps, a little trust that I won’t let something go to my head, i’ll be discovered. My desire to influence the course of human events will take shape—and I’ll find, ultimately, that there’s always something to paint—there’s always something to write about; and, yes, i believe that the laws of physics will change a little, based on where we are on our journey, and, as such, i’ll be writing physics papers forever.
i don’t know why people don’t just level with me—and say, yeah, once upon a time, you come on too strong; i wondered, too, why people wouldn’t level with me; like, for example, when I was getting ignored by women i did my best to appreciate no matter how much alcohol it took. I wasn’t exactly taking one for the team—i was trying to fit in, to be something i’m not; like, for example, a mediocre artist tricking people into thinking that their work is more interesting than it is. Granted—bad people can produce interesting artwork; perhaps we wonder why they were bad, or how they could do something interesting when they were bad, but good triumphs over the dark side, and we learn, sometimes, from those that embrace darkness, because, as it happens, they’re dedicated to defeating everybody.
glad you’ve got a plan you want desire, purpose, and drive; i can help you, if, that is, you think I’m pretty that was funny—she wanted someone that thought that she was as pretty as she thought she was; but prettiness goes without saying: you know, given a story with a protagonist, everybody is pretty; I wondered, then: “you can’t threaten me into loving you,” which is how, often enough, i felt. I simply don’t know if I’m capable of finding anybody that’s pretty enough to be the reward for all the hours i put in. i need someone that I can connect with—someone that can, at least in part, understand me—and forgive, at least in part, what they can’t understand. you’re a real jerk—you know that? i guess that was to be expected, but, on the other hand, maybe she was testing me—maybe she understood what I really meant—that, in fact, I’m acutely aware of the fact that I can’t do anything with a woman that doesn’t think I’m talented. Maybe you don’t have to think that I’m as talented as I think I am—that would be pretty talented, but a little encouragement and belief could lead to greater things, like, for example, a point in the future when you did think I was as talented as i thought i was.
I just needed somebody to give me a chance—somebody that was in a characteristic range of prettiness—a prettiness that could be considered universally pretty, but that, on the other hand, wasn’t obnoxious, and, furthermore, wanted to help other people to be as happy as they were. But you know that’s not in the cards for us and, in fact, i was wishing upon a star, sure, that’s exactly what this woman was—and she was lucky, too. She had a lot of things going for her that, at any other time, might have been insurmountable. Like, for example, the extremity of Jack Daniels and the inevitability that good will prevail, and the American people will sideline republicans that, like Nazis, didn’t want to wait their turn. In short, republicans showed some nasty colors under the Jack Daniels administrations, and they couldn’t be allowed, for example, to act that way again.