That was fast and, indeed, applying wave properties to my thoughts could get a little tedious at times—but so could everything that involved a learning curve. We want, don’t we, to speak German instantaneously, something that I spent a few years on (taking a three hour class once a week) while learning almost nothing. When you’re older, you have to study a little more, I suppose because our brains our set in their ways, and resist change. Well, I was determined to explore this frontier—this world of telepathic communications, and if that meant that, like working on a website, things could get a little boring, then so be it, because, just like working on a website, there is a reward that comes from seeing all things come together.
but, yeah, i was picking up on it—fast, perhaps, because, I guess, I worked at it whenever I got bored, or whenever I could, really, and I’d already learned to turn the sound up or down speaking from my mind as opposed to my throat. Incidentally, I don’t like to be naked, and, when I get in the shower, i tend to swear internally and at very loud volumes, even though the water temperatures are fine. I don’t like to swear, however—it goes against everything that I know and believe about love coming first, so, this morning, I applied my counting slash singing projection at a very loud volume—a volume that helped, a little, to block out the desire to swear. It got so loud, however, that, I think, my faith is being tested—but by whom? My extradimensional self? And yes, i was sure that’s who it was.
you don’t want me—my genes disturb you and yeah, I hadn’t always considered the thought that i’d partner with someone other than a blond; but i had considered it of late, since, as I understand it, Ursula is Puerto Rican. but even Puerto Ricans could have good genes, and, I think Ursula and all her Puerto Rican-ess had genes that I could apply to my advantage; she had, above all, different genes; and I needed a little variety to keep things interesting. Now, you might find it odd that I would say I need a little variety to keep things interesting when, for years, I was stuck on blonds, who, as it happens, probably had genes that were not so different from mine, but it was only natural. Blonds (bottle blonds, at least) didn’t want me, for one thing. And, for another, i wanted to stand out—i wanted to use Ursula’s Puerto Rican-ess to amplify or individuate my telepathic address—and, also, my telepathic reach.
Add that to the fact that she was brilliant and a fellow telepath—and my mind was made up. This Puerto Rican was better, for me, than any blond I could think of. you really know how to rub it in so what? Did I protest too much? Was I a little concerned, still, that my green eyes would be lost in all that brownness? when you put it like that but it wasn’t my intent to make anybody feel bad. So what was I doing? I don’t think—however, that I was making Ursula feel bad because she was at peace with her Puerto Rican-ess, and that made her that much more attractive. So what, now? Well, i was gradually changing the pitch and amplitude of things in my consciousness, and, so far, it was nice. but you don’t love me but that wasn’t true—i loved Ursula in the same way that I loved Shakespeare—who, I imagine, as I did, years ago, when I was sick, that I was in constant contact with—it was as if he was asking a lot of questions, and we tried, together, to answer them; but no—i didn’t “love” the real-life Ursula (yet) because, as it happens, that would be unhealthy—my relationship with her exists in my mind (and maybe a little in her mind) and I couldn’t get excited because I know the things we think about often mean things that we don’t or aren’t ready to know.
climb a mountain what? like the dharma bums? i don’t climb mountains anymore—i don’t go on hikes that I shouldn’t be going on, i.e., hikes that make me walk at an extremely slow pace and wear me out long before the hike is complete. where are we, now? “Well, i kind of see you as girlfriend material—and it’s more than that: i suspect, given an earthly relationship, we might be meant for each other, but yeah, at this point in time, we live in our minds.” Does that mean i’m cheating on my boyfriend? That was a good question—what if I had a girlfriend? Would it be unfaithful to keep Ursula on the line—should I be projecting the voice of whomsoever is my real-life partner? That area was kind of gray—the morality of the situation remained unclear.
But I figured (and maybe this meant that Ursula would be the quote unquote one that got away) that I would use Ursula’s voice anyhow—since it addressed someone, now, someone that I’d become friends with. Furthermore, she would serve as a buffer—protecting me from projecting too much onto this other girlfriend, loving her too much, etc. If I held on too Ursula I would be able to keep the suppressed parts of myself (which formed a little world in and of themselves) in a safe place. that’s how to do it ah, the encouragement was nice. Now I as onto something new—something that I was doing, sometimes, without knowing that I was doing it: I would sound out Ursula’s voice while speaking middle English in a different voice, most likely my voice, or the voice of the person that represented me in heaven. I wasn’t exactly sure what this did, since, as i understood it, you think in someone else’s voice when you are speaking to them, and, in turn, you’re hear their voice when they, or if they, reply.
You’re speaking through me she said, but I wasn’t going to steal any credit that belonged entirely to her; she was the one that was talking to me; she was the one that chose what to say and what not to say. If our thoughts aligned, then yes, perhaps, in speaking underneath or adjacent with the sound of her voice—speaking while tuning in, so to speak, perhaps I as sending information directly into her back, information that would help her whenever she was in a real-life situation and confronted by other people. Or maybe it was the other way around? You might say that it was happening simultaneously—that we were backchanneling, e.g., working as a team—physically going together in the same direction, like having sex, although, in our case, the backchanneling happened without response—unconsciously. That is to say, I didn’t hear her backchanneling me—the information went into my back, and I deciphered it when the ball was in play—when I was doing something other than projecting Ursula’s voice into 4D.