You can’t do that but i needed a little clarification—was she and or they saying that I couldn’t do something, and getting some pleasure, or sense of relief, out of it? What couldn’t I do? Love a woman? Love a man? Both? Neither. I was in the dark. She said she was talking about love, then. Saying that I can’t love somebody? Or saying that i can’t do something that would offend her—like what? Like anything? I’m here to help ok, that changed things up a little. So she supported me and what i was trying to do, i think—although i’m sure there were plenty of things that I might’ve done to irritate or vex her. But what if I was irritating or vexing them and i needed to separate her from the mix? Did she want me to tune into a different channel?
I had a channel that I wrote my longer poems in, and then i had this slightly different channel that I wrote these novels in. But i didn’t want to change this channel—it was my main channel, my voice and her voice. No complications—if it included them and that was bad, then I was more than happy to emphasize my consonants—since that was where my voice was addressed, and consonants were like stopping up a hole on a flute so that you could make a note—I was into that, at some point, but, honestly, I was just trying to manage what I could do in reality, right now.
at your discretion swept off my feet that was it, then, I knew better than to think that I’d swept anybody off their feet, since, to them, I projected weight that I couldn’t carry. Other people had to look after me, for example. If there was—don’t worry about that, something i could do to enhance another person’s life I would do all that I could—making for a fair exchange. it’s going to be hard and so what? Life with her was going to be hard? Life like this, an asexual life, was going to be hard? Or just the opposite? Did I have room for a baby in my life—did I prefer a man? Sometimes my interest in Ursula comes and goes—i don’t always watch her videos, but she’s nice to look at.
granted, if we were to have met in college—I mightn’t have had anything to do with her (because I prefer blonds?) or because, back then, I might have thought she was terribly skinny—but maybe not, since she could be both skinny and curvy at the same time when she wanted. because you like it because i like her, I guess, because I like sex? But, do I? Honestly it doesn’t matter that much: as of now, i’m not interested—and I don’t imagine that changing, even though, i might hope, if i found a companion, the physical part would reemerge. Can’t remember, in fact, what wanting someone was like. that’s cool was i really talking to someone? Was someone impersonating my Ursula? It seemed that, over the last few weeks, as my writing, here, had been a little sporadic, I hadn’t taken this time to directly focus on my telepathic communications, and yet the line seemed to have improved in this area, the frequency i was using.
get out of the way “get out of the way of what” of me? But i wasn’t standing in her way, and, even if my writing was ever read by a broad enough audience, i still wouldn’t be in her way. My behavior, at that future moment, would determine whether my writing was (if read, ok) funny, serious, or offensive. I certainly don’t intend to offend anybody, and I don’t think i am—not even Ursula, that’s right since she was talking in my ear. now i know what you’re going to say, and i know what AI, or some versions of AI, would say: see a doctor. I used to see that phrase on license plates all the time, like CADR, and, a lot of the time, I would count backwards in the alpha bet to decipher if someone were trying to reach me by code. But that person was harsh and unforgiving, and it wasn’t good—it was overwhelming and infuriating, so they were right, i guess.
i’m trying to tune in that was great! but i can hear you that was also great? Meaning, i think, that she was trying to interpret her thoughts—and she was tuning, when she did, perhaps unconsciously, to a friendly frequency. That’s right. This was basic toddler communications. We were learning to speak to each other—now that a couple frequencies had been identified—that is to say, I’d learned to tune to some secretive mental pitch without being so strict about intoning these voices all the time—and I wondered: when I count, do i filter those i want to speak to out—am I actually blocking something out? It seemed reasonable. But I wasn’t going to quit doing something that helped—that I could talk about; I’d just be more careful to pause, and to tune to the frequency or the pitch at which the mode was propagating.